After a week of pondering and being inside my head, it was good to have an evening out with Julie last night. Social wise my week has been nothing at all, I’ve just gone to the office of a morning and come straight home at night – hence I had too much time to sit around and brood. As such it was great to have a fun chat with someone, to have a few drinks and some flirting. It was great to know that the world isn’t just about me.
I was so eager, I even got there and early and had a pint before she arrived. And even there by myself, I did feel better. Not talking to anyone, but hearing the conversations go on around me – a mix of idle gossip and sports chat, what had just happened in the rugby and how good Arsenal were at lunch time.
There was part of me tempted to take Julie to see Elvina in Clerkenwell,, but I thought that wouldn’t be the most suitable of locations for what presumably was a date – so instead we went to The Rising Sun on Tottenham Court Road. Clearly we timed it right, as the rugby fans were already drifting out by the time we arrived.
When Julie got there, she looked great. She was wearing a short pleated skirt and a white blouse. With her glasses as well, the overall effect was naughty head-girl. She had a wine and I had a beer and we just fell straight into talking, huddled over the table and staring at each other so close.
The two of us chatted about where we from (me Wales, her Tonbridge); where we went to University (me Liverpool, her Cambridge); past relationships (she knew about my last one, I of course didn’t know about hers); siblings (one sister each); parents (all alive, still together and retired); and work (neither of us overly enamoured with what we do).
After a while we decided to go for a curry on Charlotte Street and left the pub holding hands, walking so tight together like the happiest of young couples. We sat opposite each other and she slipped her hand onto my knee even before the poppadoms arrived. I inched my hand up and stroked her thighs under her skirt. We huddled over that table, almost as if there was candlelight and we were the only two people in a beautiful French restaurant.
If I’m honest I thought I was in. After last week’s sudden kissing, I thought this week was going to be an escalation to the next level. The outfit, the way we didn’t stop touching, the look on her face. I’ve been to that restaurant before and so know how good it is, but I couldn’t tell you anything about the meal last night. All I concentrated on was her, she intoxicated me.
The instant we left her lips swooped onto mine, and we were in each other’s arms again. I was so hot for her, so desperate to have her and she must have understood that as she quickly – and sweetly – drew a line in the sand.
“Let’s do something this week,” she said. “Let’s do something nice.”
“Of course,” I said, and with that removed all thoughts of getting a taxi back to her place from my mind. That wasn’t going to happen tonight, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to happen.
“I really like you,” she told me. “I really, really like you – but I’m just scared that you’re on the rebound.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I promise you I wasn’t out hunting for anyone. This – between us – is just something that happened.”
She kissed me again. “Oh, I do like you. You’re really nice and considerate and funny and I really do want a boyfriend for Valentine’s day, and at the moment I want it to be you – but I just want you to be ready for that. I don’t want to be hurt,” her head nestled on my shoulder. “Are you ready for a relationship?”
“I am, Julie. Trust me, I am.”
We agreed to meet on Wednesday and then lingered over a kiss goodbye at the tube station. I skipped back to my flat last night so happy. Okay, so we hadn’t ended up in bed, but I had something going on with a fun and sexy girl who was not someone who had vanished or who I only watched through a spotlight. Earlier in the week I thought I was going to die alone, now that eventuality seemed so far away.
As I let myself in the mobile rang. I looked at the screen and it was a withheld number. For whatever reason I thought it must be Julie, calling from home perhaps.
I clicked the button with a big “Hello.”
There was a pause and then Alison’s voice said: “Hello.”
She sounded as distant as when I’d spoken to her on Katie’s phone.
“Alison? Where are you?”
That was a question she was always going to ignore. “I just want to say that it’s great you’re getting to know Julie. You were two people I really liked and I want you to know that I’m glad it’s happening.”
My mouth opened and shut before getting any words out. “How the hell do you know about that?”
“I’m fine,” she said, a non sequitur if ever there was one. “I’m totally fine, don’t worry about me.”
And with that she was gone.
I sat there in the hallway carpet, my phone in my hand, all good feeling now replaced with bafflement.
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