Clerkenwell again last night, to see Elvina. Truly it’s hard to believe that it was this year I saw her for the first time. It feels like she’s been in my life for so long – I dream about her for god’s sake – that it’s difficult to conceive that if it wasn’t for a mate’s birthday party this January, I’d never have seen her at all.
She moves languidly and confidently onto the small stage; her hair shaped to a quiff, her lip curled up and sexiness sparkling in her eyes. Hers is the Elvis outfit by way of Victoria’s Secret. It’s white and rhinestoned, but she doesn’t wear flares, instead she shows herself off in hot-pants. On display is a pair of long, supple and toned thighs in sheer tights, leading up to a gorgeous, round behind. When she sticks out her bum it really is a thing of wonder. Around her midriff is a belt buckle with ‘TCB’ carved elegantly in gold, while stretching out above it is the Vegas large collar. Like Elvis’s version, this garment is low cut down the chest. Unlike Elvis’s version, what the audience is treated to is a magnificent, milky cleavage. It’s a phenomenal get up, and you can always tell those who’ve never seen her before. Their eyes bulge so far from their heads it’s like their having a coronary.
So Elvina is sexy, but also fantastically beautiful – her sharp cheekbones, pouting lips and wide brown eyes making her the most feminine and pretty Elvis.
Her appearance is stunning enough, but then she performs.
Last night she seemed determined to make the hearts of everyone there pump faster and faster. She started off slowly with ‘Always on My Mind’, purring out the song as she moved with tantalising precision across the stage, stretching herself into various incredibly sexy poses that she held for an almost indecent amount of time. The ballads came first, then the mid paced numbers ('The Wonder of You'; 'Heartbreak Hotel') where she claimed the front of the stage and took control – standing with her feet slightly apart and her head held high in such a powerful pose. She belted out the tunes seemingly knowing that she was the most important person in the room, the most important person in London. Then she got really fast and danced around the stage in a way I haven’t really seen before. ‘King Creole’ and ‘Viva Las Vegas’ boomed out with her legs kicking and her breasts jiggling. It was a phenomenal show, and at the end the crowd had to stop drooling to remember to clap.
I think it was the best performance I’ve ever seen her give. Strangely though the place wasn’t as busy as last week, and after the set she cut her way through the crowd back to her dressing room – a bouncer just at her shoulder to make sure that no pinching fingers reached out for her.
Adrenalin pumped through me as I knew I only had seconds, but I stood in front of her.
“Elvina,” I called.
She looked at me, her fact flat, not wanting to encourage any lunatic.
I talked quickly. “Hi. I’ve seen your show.”
“I know,” her eyebrow raised. Was that because she’s seen me in the crowd before, or just because I’m in the venue just after she’s just come off stage? Obviously the latter, of course she knows I’ve seen her show.
The seconds were ticking but I tried not to garble my words. “Do you ever Google yourself?”
The eyebrow raised again.
“You should do,” I told her. “Put in your name and ‘Clerkenwell’ and look at the blogs. Let me know what you think, I’m here a lot of Saturdays.”
And with that I let her go. She walked determinedly away without looking back. Clearly she thinks I’m odd, but if she reads this blog – and she understands it – then maybe, Elvina, we can have a conversation.
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