Monday, 30th of April

Firstly, from my conversation with Elvina/Denise, the dreams.
Denise also dreams of the end of the world. Perhaps not as regularly as I do, but they’re a common part of her life. She told me some of the details of her dreams, and like me they take in a variety of places and detail different destructions. The most incredible dream for her though, the most vivid dream, is the dream. She can see herself on a stage and extending into the distance – miles into the distance, she said it seems – is a huge and enthusiastic crowd. It’s by far the largest crowd she’s ever seen, let alone performed to. She starts to play, but the songs aren’t her usual repertoire – they are darker and more disturbing, leaning on images of death and torture. And the strange thing is that the crowd loves it and she loves it. Her voice doesn’t alter even though the repertoire has changed, and the crowds just adore these cries of doom. Perhaps, she theorises, everyone there knows what’s to come and all are welcoming it in.

But the moment seems to come quicker than anyone can imagine, as just as she hits a high note there is a boom in the distance and suddenly everything in front of her evaporates.

Sunday, 29th of April

I’m just back from my coffee in Elvina. Nervously I walked through the rain to a cafe in Shepherd’s Market and now my head is spinning. To be honest I didn’t recognise her, the girl I met was a paler and more wan, with dirty blonde hair (in performance it’s a wig apparently). Off stage she also seemed shorter, less curvy, shyer. Her eyes were the same though, she would always have difficulty hiding that sparkle in her eyes. Leaning forward as we were sharing confidences (and quite softly spoken) she told me that a lot of what I see is showmanship and confidence. She isn’t Elvina in real life.
In real life she is Denise, and it’s what Denise has to tell me which is crucial:

·         She is having dreams as well. In fact she is having the exact same dream where she stands on that stage, performing in a park and sees a nuclear explosion in the distance.

·         Not only that, she has seen and recognised me in her dreams.

·         There are others like us, others dreaming the same thing. She’s been busier than I was, is less prone to navel gazing, and has got to know some of them.

·         One of them is a dream guru, someone who is exploring this phenomenon and linking them altogether. His name is Dexter Phillips and she is going to introduce me to him.

But that’s only the bare bones of what she told me and I will write all these incredible things in full detail throughout the week. For now, I have to sit down and stop my heart from beating so fast.

Saturday, 28th of April

It was the dream in the park last night. All of us stood together staring at some distant stage, on which Elvina – looking delicious in her full regal Elvis outfit – blasts out doom laden songs to a fast beat. I am stood with Julie (it is definitely Julie) and she bounces happily in my arms as if she doesn’t understand what’s going on. Perhaps no one but me understands what's going on, maybe not one of them is aware that behind us will bloom up a mushroom cloud. We are listening to the end of the world and the end of the world is coming to meet us.
Except there might be one person there who does know what I know. She’s a long way off and so I can’t be sure, but Elvina looks clearer to me up there on the stage. It’s like she’s staring directly at me. Possibly, just possibly, we are communicating already.

Friday, 27th of April

I spoke to Julie on the phone last night and told her about my upcoming coffee with Elvina. She seemed happy for me. Clearly her head is spinning a bit with all this stuff I’m telling her, but she is still there and still supportive. She said she wants to know everything we talk about. She also said she wants to see an Elvina show, just to know who this woman is.
Even though I’m excited about this meeting too, I’m also nervous as hell. What on Earth is Elvina/Denise going to say? What is the answer to all this?

Julie also said she started reading my book and now understands me better. To be honest I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

Wednesday, 25th of April

An email has arrived!
Elvina/Denise writes:

“Hi. Yes I have read the blog and I think we should meet up. Sunday? Coffee? D.”

When one is having dreams about the end of the world, when one contacts the real people in those dreams and tries to establish a connection which may exist nowhere else but one’s sub-conscious – then, at points, one is entitled to feel that one has gone a little bit mad. There is almost the sound of white coats flapping on the breeze. But when that reaching out elicits a response, then that’s something else. This thing seems bigger than me, and I’m determined to find out what it is.

Monday, 23rd of April

I had a coffee with Julie yesterday. This time I’m being open, this time I’m being upfront. I told her about Elvina and how she appears in my dreams, and how I’ve developed the notion that she is connected in some way to them. Of course it was totally possible that Julie may have raised a sceptical eyebrow at this, and to be honest I think she restrained herself. (I liked her even more than I did already for that.) As obviously it’s more than likely that I appear utterly delusional when explaining all of this, and maybe Julie’s desire to be sympathetic would have been sorely tested and strained if it wasn’t for the email address which had been pressed into my hand. The surprise at that news was impossible for her to hide, but it was a pleased surprise. Even though this is beyond Julie’s realm of experience, even though the tendency of any normal person would be to view me as ‘weird’ or ‘mad’, she can perhaps see a glimmer that there might be something more – something which needs to be followed – in what I’m saying.
We held each other close at the end and kissed softly. Julie promised again to be with me throughout all of this. I don’t know if we’re just really affectionate friends now, or whether we’ll become lovers, but I’m just glad I have her at my side.

Sunday, 22nd of April

After Elvina’s concert last night (where, for a change, she wore the black version of her outfit, with a larger collar made of red satin), one of the bouncers approached me and pressed a note into my hand. I’ll admit I had a moment of panic as this bald, shaven head directed his attention towards me, wondering if this was the moment I’d be ushered outside, banished for harassment. Instead I found this piece of paper in my palm and written on it was an email address for a girl named Denise – I can only assume it’s Elvina’s real name.
I emailed her as soon as I got home:

“Hi!
Thanks for the note. Have you read my blog then? Did you understand it? If so, can we talk?”

There’s no reply as yet.